


Into your heart (I’ll beat again)

by ElixirBB



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Car Accident, F/M, Gen, HEA, Hospitals, Mentions of Blood, Miscommunication, Rey loves Ben and she wants to save him, This will get better, Trigger Warning for Violence, Violence, ambulance, and brief mentions of sex, but there will be sadness first, mentions of broken bones, no smut in this one, please heed the warnings, premeditated attempted murder, rating is for subject matter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:54:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24480181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElixirBB/pseuds/ElixirBB
Summary: Rey doesn’t love Ben Solo. She doesn’t.She doesn’t think about his dimples, or his eyes, or his smile, or how she traces constellations of his beauty marks and moles with her tongue. She doesn’t think of his hands, warm and strong against her bare skin, or his laugh that unfurls something in the pit of her stomach that she doesn’t ever think too much about. She doesn’t think of his road to redemption and how proud she is of him.Rey doesn’t love Ben Solo. She doesn’t.Obviously, this doesn’t explain why she jumps in front of a car for him.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 85
Kudos: 360





	1. Present

**Author's Note:**

  * For [viictoriasong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/viictoriasong/gifts).



> Please heed the warnings, straight off the bat, there is mention of violence and a car accident that was premeditated. I don’t want to give everything away but I do want everyone to just be warned, in case this is a trigger for anyone. There WILL be a happy ending. 
> 
> @ViictoriaSong, I love you. Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for being kind and lovely. I hope you enjoy this.
> 
> To everyone - I hope you’re staying safe and healthy. 
> 
> Title is taken from Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me
> 
> Also fun fact: busyness is actually a word! I was stoked AF to find that out.

Rey doesn’t love Ben Solo. She _doesn’t_. 

She doesn’t think about his dimples, or his eyes, or his smile, or how she traces constellations of his beauty marks and moles with her tongue. She doesn’t think of his hands, warm and strong against her bare skin, or his laugh that unfurls something in the pit of her stomach that she doesn’t ever think too much about. She doesn’t think of his road to redemption and how proud she is of him.

Rey doesn’t love Ben Solo. She _doesn’t_. 

Obviously, this doesn’t explain why she jumps in front of a car for him. 

* * *

  
She doesn’t think anything could have prepared them for this. 

Not any of the First-Aid classes she took or the self-defence classes, or general physics that tell her a collision with a moving vehicle will cause your body more damage than you would think.

And she knew, she _knew_ , that she should have listened to her gut, that when Snoke made his threat in the courtroom after the verdict was handed down and he turned around with murderous rage and intent in his cold blue eyes, that they should have paid more attention. That they should have listened more. That they should have known what he was capable of. 

Rey knew she should have pushed for all of them to be vigilant, she just didn’t really think it would be _this_.

* * *

  
To be fair, she doesn’t really know she thought. 

* * *

Ben, for all his battles on road to redemption, made some enemies that didn’t want to see him leave when he decided to cut ties with Snoke and Palpatine.

He made even more when he decided to take them all down. 

* * *

  
When the verdict comes in and it’s _Guilty_ all around, and what seems like the entire world cheers because Snoke and Palpatine and their crew of absolute despicable human beings are going to rot in prison, they celebrate. 

Because what else can they do?

And they’re _happy_. Everyone is happy that this is behind them. Everyone is happy that tomorrow is going to be a new day as they spill out from the pub they’ve all gathered in and their laughter and voices intertwine with each other and echo in the silent city. 

And Rey…Rey is staring at Ben, who’s in the middle of the deserted road because everyone _sane_ is home _sleeping_ , staring up at the night sky with twinkling stars that none of them can see because of air pollution, arms spread and free. She’s looking at his wide smile and his dimples. She’s looking at him as he looks down at his mother, who is openly clinging to him and his father, who has his hand clasped on his shoulder and they’re all murmuring things to each other that no one else can hear and Rey’s heart is full. 

It’s breaking too. _Of course it is,_ because she once thought that Leia and Han could be her family, she thought that she finally found two people who could love her the way she _always_ wanted to be loved, that they could hug her the way she always wanted to be hugged, comfort her the way she always wanted to be comforted, only to realize that it was never really about her and always about the son who they thought they lost but returned back to them. 

Which, Rey would like to point out, is _her_ doing. 

Because she _loves_ Han and Leia, because they’re her family even if she’s not really theirs and she wants them happy. 

It was easy for her, once he put his Kylo Ren person to rest, to want Ben to be happy too. 

Everyone else is busy hugging each other, clinging to each other, offering congratulations on a job well done, that no one notices a man sneak out from inside the pub they were in and make his way into a sleek black vehicle, no one notices him turn on the car and rev his engine, no one sees it lurch forward and then stop, as if steeling himself for what’s to come. No one sees the way it speeds forward, straight towards Ben, who is in the middle of what should be a deserted road because everyone _sane_ should be home _sleeping_ , and in an embrace with his parents that’s probably fifteen years overdue. 

No one notices anything. 

But Rey notices. She notices it all. 

Because whether she wants to admit it or not (and she really would rather she not admit it), she’s been staring at Ben Solo for much longer than she thought. 

Days. Weeks. Months. Quite possibly years, ever since she crashed into his life and he subsequently firmly planted himself in hers. 

She lets out a guttural yell and she’s moving faster than she ever thought possible. She’s launching herself to where they are and pushing Ben and his parents out of way. 

To safety.

* * *

There is a second. 

Just a split second, where she meets Ben’s eyes.

They are wide and horrified. His face twisted in some sort of grief that she’s seen only once before. 

And then she is blinded by light.

* * *

There is a sound that is so foreign to her ears but then there is burning pain everywhere. 

* * *

There is silence, the kind where everything is disoriented and all she can do is look up and see the night sky hiding the twinkling stars and she idly thinks, _I wish I could take him to see the stars where no city is able to hide them._

(She knows a place, outside city limits, where the sound and busyness of the city, fades away to nothing and there is just a cliff, where she sits sometimes and ponders about life.) 

The sound comes rushing back in, like a tidal wave and there are screams and she can hear people crying and yelling and she hears sirens in the distance, luring her into a sense of security that someone is coming for her. 

* * *

  
_She blinks._

Rose is sobbing, held back by her sister. 

_She blinks._

Kaydel is screaming into her phone, Snap’s arms around her. 

_She blinks._

Phasma is yelling at Hux to get in the fucking car because we’re going after that fucker.

_She blinks._

Poe is on his knees, Finn pulled tight to his chest, as Finn struggles to get to her. 

_She blinks._

Leia and Han are on either side of her and they’re crying so hard that Rey can’t make anything out they’re trying to say.

_She blinks._

And wonders where Ben is when suddenly, the ground shifts beneath her but then she breathes in (and _wow, yeah, that hurts_ ) and all that invades her senses is the smell of him. Sharp and spicy but soft all the same. 

He is blubbering something and she can’t hear him, not properly. 

But she can feel him and that’s enough. 

* * *

  
She blinks. 

* * *

  
Rey doesn’t understand why everyone is crying and screaming. 

If anything, they’re making her wish come true. 

To not be alone when she dies. 

* * *

  
“It’s my worst fear,” she tells Ben one night, after the sweat has dried on their skin and she sinks into his embrace in his bed that’s larger than she’s ever seen with sheets softer than she’s ever felt, “to die alone. When I was in Jakku…I thought everyday was going to be my last and that no one who could have, should have, cared about me, knew where I was and I was going to die in a desert all alone. It’s all I’ve ever felt for so long and I don’t…I don’t want to feel like I’m alone anymore.”

She doesn’t really know what she’s telling him. 

A confession she would never make in the light of day but she hopes that he understands what she’s trying to say without even knowing what she’s actually trying to say. 

“You’re not alone,” he replies, his face turned so that his nose is buried in the crown of her head. 

“Neither are you,” she tells him. “Neither are you.”

* * *

  
She cranes her neck up to look at Ben and moving, breathing, _hurts_ , but she wants to see him. She has to see him. 

She lifts her arm up, trying to frame his face and there is red. 

Red, everywhere. Dripping from her fingers. Down her arms. 

On his clothes.  
  


_Are you hurt?_ she wonders, heart racing, she starts to panic, _I tried to stop you from being hurt. I never wanted to fail you in that regard._

Instead, her arm falls down and she cradles his arm that’s around her midsection. 

She starts mumbling words. 

“Rey.” Leia says through her tears. “Rey, sweetie, what are you trying to say?”

“Keep your energy, Rey.” Han orders, his voice tight. “Don’t…don’t…”

But she _has_ to. Because if she doesn’t now, she doesn’t think she’ll ever get a second chance. 

“I lied.” She croaks. She grips Ben’s arm tighter, interlacing his fingers that have blazed trails and paths that no other person ever has on her body before, with hers, “When I said I didn’t love you. I _lied_. I’m no one. Nobody and I thought…” she trails off with a wince, “I thought you could do better so I lied. But I do. Love you.” She squeezes his fingers and gives him a smile that’s watery and small. “I love you.”

Before he responds, the shrill noise of a siren cuts off and there is an abundance of flashing lights, a flurry of activity and then she’s being lifted out of his arms and onto a stretcher and strangers are looking down at her, poking and probing her, asking her to questions that she doesn’t know the answer to.

And even if she did, she doesn’t think she can give it. Because she’s _tired_. 

She’s _so_ tired. 

And everything _hurts_. 

She chances a look at them, at the people she calls her family even if she may not be theirs, and she gives another smile. This one more faded, more weak. 

Because she is. _Weak_.

Her eyes flutter close on their own account and she can feel the energy drain from her. 

She turns her head back towards the sky, searching for stars and not finding any. 

That’s okay though because as she closes her eyes, she thinks she can see all the stars in the galaxy, dancing beneath her eyelids, beckoning her home.

* * *

  
There is screaming, as she drifts off into oblivion. 

That kind of harsh screaming that’s almost wailing. 

She thinks she hears something, amongst the wailing, letters that create words that string along to create meaning. 

_Don’t leave. Don’t leave me, Rey. Come back._

_Please._

_I love you._

_I love you, Rey._

_Please._

* * *

  
And then there’s nothing.

* * *


	2. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. First off, I am sorry this is late in coming. As everyone knows, things have been incredibly tough In the world and I’ve spent the past little bit taking a hard look at myself and the choices I make every day, and the choices I need to start making every day. I have been actively learning and educating myself and reaching out for hard conversations with people I know. I contemplated taking time off from writing but one of my friends urged me to continue writing in the same way that she urged me to continue to learn so that when I can finally come out of this quarantine, I can take my newfound knowledge and put it to good use. Which I will do. There’s still a lot for me to learn and I’m dedicated to that. 
> 
> Viictoriasong, I love you. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being patient with me. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left a comment, who has left a kudos, who has supported me. It means the world to me. You don’t even know. 
> 
> Stay safe.

It happens almost three years ago.

* * *

  
Rey finishes community college with a diploma in Office Administration and she gets a job at _First Order Limited._

She meets Finn on her first day. 

She meets Phasma, who will be her boss. 

She meets Armitage Hux who looks at her with something akin to relief that also exudes haughtiness, while eyeing her, trying to decipher where in England she’s from. 

She meets Kylo Ren on day three. 

* * *

  
There are three things that run through her mind when she meets Kylo Ren on day three, in this particular order:

_1\. He looks familiar, where have I seen him before?_  
 _2\. Wow, he’s tall and holy shit he’s handsome and he smells so fucking good._  
 _3\. Wonderful. He’s an asshole._

Because all of the good looking ones usually are assholes, aren’t they?

* * *

  
She finds out that Kylo Ren is actually Ben Solo by accident when she’s helping Han clean out his garage. 

She’s heard of Ben. _Of course_ she has, the son who left after one big fight and didn’t have the balls to come back home. 

This is how Rey sees it. 

It’s a lot more complex than that. 

Not like Rey knows, since neither Han or Leia have ever told her anything more than one day, _he left and we were too late_. 

Rey sometimes tries to bring it up but Leia will turn her face away and get teary-eyed and Han will sigh and tell her that _there’s a lot more to it_ and _we were to blame for most of it but we didn’t realize it until it was too late_ and _don’t hate him too much, kiddo. He had his reasons._

Rey stops bringing it up. 

And then she helps Han clean out his garage and she sees an old tool box that she opens because she loves tools but instead of tools, she sees pictures. There are pictures of Luke, who she’s met on a couple of occasions. Chewie and Maz, who’s café she used to work at and who’s café she still visits every day. She sees younger versions of Han and Leia, looking so much in love and so much at odds.

But mostly, there are pictures of a little boy with black wavy hair and chocolate eyes, with pronounced beauty marks and moles, a nose that Rey thinks he’ll grow into and ears that are slightly too big for his small head. 

She looks at the back of picture and in faded handwriting there’s a name and date of birth:

_Benjamin Bail Organa Solo_   
_February 6th 1983_

And then as she goes from picture to picture, the boy grows from a baby to a toddler to a kid to a preteen to a teen.

And then they stop. 

But Rey knows, without a doubt, as soon as she reaches his last photo, decked out in his high school graduation gown and cap, who he is. 

She looks up at Han when she hears cluttering and a loud curse. 

“Why do you have a picture of Kylo Ren? And why is his name Ben? Isn’t that your son’s name?”

The look that Han gives her is heartbreaking. “He still goes by that shitty name, then?” He shakes his head and everything Rey thinks is confirmed in Han’s lack of denial. “You’ve seen him then? At _First Order_?”

“You know he works there?” 

“Is he okay? Does he look okay? Does he look happy?”

She blinks. 

Is he okay? _Well, he’s an asshole and I can hear him rage from the tenth floor. He’s on the fifteenth_.

Does he look okay? _More than okay, he looks like a shit brick house and he’s really fucking hot, but also, he’s an asshole._

Does he look happy? 

That one stumps her. Because he _should_ be happy. He gets paid fucking enough. He drives a luxury vehicle. He wears three piece suits that look tailored to him. She notices his shoes have red soles. He wears expensive watches. 

But then she remembers in the elevator rides they’ve shared how he will sag against the wall for _one second_ , how his shoulders will slump and how his eyes will close. She remembers the wide berth he received when he walked into the lunch room one day and how every day since then he ate in his office. She remembers catching his eyes on day three of working for _First Order Limited_ and how empty they looked. 

Does he look happy?

_No_ , she thinks, _he doesn’t. He looks lonely._

* * *

  
Three months into her job at _First Order Limited_ and one day after her revelation in Han’s garage, Rey quits. 

But not before she takes the elevator to the fifteenth floor and ignores the calls of a thin man with brown hair. She marches down the hall and comes to an office in front of a large oak door and throws it open. Before the thin man can catch up to her, she closes it and locks it. 

She turns around and stares at the man behind his desk. He’s on the phone, eyebrows raised and mouth slightly agape. 

She sucks in a deep breath, crosses the room in three strides, grabs the phone from his hand and slams it shut. 

“Your name is Ben Solo.” She says. “I know this because I spent yesterday helping your father clean out his garage and looking at pictures of you growing up. And listen, I don’t know what happened, Leia and Han won’t tell me anything but they miss you and they love you and I…” she trails off, mortified that her voice is cracking, mortified that she can feel the tears sting her eyes. “I would have given _anything_ , _everything_ , to have a family that loves me the way your family loves you. And I…I stupidly thought that I could replace you, that if I loved them enough, if I was good enough, they would see me as the kid that didn’t leave them but I’m not their kid. I’m _not_. You are. And they love me, I know they do, but not in the way they love you.” She rubs at her eyes and ignores the commotion outside the door. “Your name is Kylo Ren, which by the way, is a stupid fucking name and you’re _miserable_. You’re not happy here. I don’t know if you’re happy in your life at all, but here…they’re killing you. Snoke is killing you. Also, he’s creepy as fuck. I met him last week and he tried to proposition me and if that’s…if that’s the kind of man you admire, the kind of man you aspire to be, than _stay the fuck away_ from Han and Leia. Continue rotting in this glass building and selling your soul to protect men who lie and cheat and commit crimes.” She leans forward, hands planted on his desk. “But, if some part of Ben Solo is still there, then come home. Your parents love you. They miss you. I think you’re a piece of shit but if it means they’re happy again, then I’ll help you. I _will_. But only if _you_ want to.”

She stands up straight and clasps her hands in front of them. “I’m quitting because this is truly a horrible place to work. I hope you’ll realize that.”

And then she unlocks the door and makes her way through the crowd of people that gathered around his office on the fifteenth floor, awaiting an eruption that never comes. 

She sees Snoke in the background and he’s glaring at her, she steps into the elevator and jabs the tenth floor button. She doesn’t break eye contact with him, unwilling to show him anything else other than disgust. 

When she gets back to her floor, she hands in her resignation to Phasma who doesn’t look surprised but instead, gives her a small smirk. Slaps five with Finn and tells him that she’ll see him on the other side. 

And when she leaves the office, she sucks in a deep breath of fresh air and grins at how busy the city is, how alive it feels and she turns right, making her way back home to apply for other jobs.

* * *

  
That night, there’s a knock on her door. 

She answers it without looking. 

Kylo Ren – _Ben Solo_ – is standing on the other side of the door, hands braced on the threshold. His eyes are rimmed red. His cheeks look puffy. His suit, always impeccable, is wrinkled. “Were you serious?” He asks her. His voice sounds croaky, as if he’s been crying for the last day (fifteen years). 

“About what?” She asks dumbly. 

“ _Everything_.” He says. “Were you serious about everything you said in my office.”

She nods slowly. “Yeah. Of course I was serious.” She cocks her head to the side. “Ben,” she says gently, “do you need help?”

“Yes.” He breathes. 

She opens the door wider to let him in. 

* * *

  
He quits his job. 

He’s still kind of an asshole. 

They work on that. 

* * *

  
She gets another job easily enough. 

It’s with _Kenobi and Associates_ and she’s the PA to Obi-Wan who looks at her warmly and always brings her a croissant from the café down the street that she loves. She’s met Obi a couple of times before, he would sometimes be at Han and Leia’s dinner parties and he would always be kind to her, in a grandfatherly kind of way that Rey always imagined and always wanted.

So, it seems easy enough to connect the dots that Leia would help her find a job when she left her previous one. 

She thanks Leia for putting in a good word for her the next time she sees her and Leia stares blankly at her. “I haven’t spoken to Obi about you, Rey. I would have loved to but he didn’t call me.”

Rey knows he didn’t ask Han because Han wouldn’t have been able to keep that to himself, which leaves her with one another person in that family.

She asks Ben about it when she leaves Han and Leia’s and makes her way to his apartment. 

He can’t look her straight in the eyes that night as he tells her that she _deserves everything good in the world._

* * *

  
Rey doesn’t have tears in her eyes. She _doesn’t_.

* * *

  
Finn quits _First Order Limited_ two weeks after she does. 

He joins a grassroots engineering group called _Resistance_. 

Phasma and Hux quit not longer after that. 

She knows this because one day, when she goes to check in on Ben, the three of them are in his apartment, fielding phone calls, left, right and centre. 

“We quit.” Phasma tells her when she stares at them, mouth agape. “Also, we’re going to start our own firm.”

* * *

  
Along with starting their own firm, they’re determined to bring _First Order Limited_ down. 

This is, apparently, Ben Solo’s idea.

Ben tells her everything one night over take-out. 

Rey nods. “You know who would be helpful in this?”

There is pause. A lapse of silence and then a deep breath. “Yeah. I know.”

* * *

  
She’s been helping trying to find his place in a world where he hasn’t been left to his own vices. Always with his parents, and then his uncle and then Snoke. 

She tries not to be a crutch for him. Instead, she tries to help him without being too overbearing. 

But they still haven’t visited his family yet. 

“The guilt,” he tells her, “about everything that happens eats me alive. How can they _forgive_ me after everything I did? After everything I said?”

Rey cocks her head to the sides and then reaches over to grab his hand, squeezing it tightly, ignoring the way it feels warm in her hands. Ignoring the way he interlaces their fingers like she’s his anchor. “Because they’re your family. And they _love_ you.”

* * *

  
That Sunday, she drags him to Han and Leia’s. It’s been over fifteen years since he last saw his parents, despite living in the same city. 

Fifteen years since he walked into his childhood home. 

It’s been three months since he quit _First Order Limited._

She doesn’t bother knocking on the door or ringing the doorbell. Instead, she pushes it open and shouts out a greeting. 

He looks hesitant, as if crossing the threshold is a taxing effort and she thinks it might as well be. 

She grabs his hand and pulls him gently inside, giving him a encouraging smile. 

Han yells a greeting back and comes to hallway where he stops in his place. 

His body sags when he sees Ben. His face crumples and regret crosses over every wrinkle. “ _Ben_?” He asks, his voice barely above a whisper. He runs a hand over his face and then slowly makes his way to his son. “Oh. _Oh_ , Ben.” He reaches a hand between them and cradles Ben’s face in the palm of one of his hands. “Look at you.” There is a small smile flitting across Han’s face, something so soft that it makes Rey’s heart clench. 

Before anyone can say anything, Leia comes out, wiping her hands on her pants. “What’s everyone doing – _Ben_?”

Rey could see the tautness of his body when Han was speaking to him. She could see his hands ball into fists at his sides. She could see his wild eyes, not knowing how to take this reunion. But it isn’t until Leia comes, it isn’t until Ben lays eyes on his mother that Ben Solo stumbles forward. 

“ _Mom_.”

“Oh. Oh. _Ben_.” Leia bursts into tears and despite being half his size, she pulls him to her, arms coming around his middle. “Oh. Ben. You’re home. You’re _home_.”

They stay like that for a while until they all move to the kitchen but Rey lags behind, still in the hallway. She can see them and hear them. They’re hesitant, soft with each other. Almost wary but trying. 

They’re a _family_ , same bone structure, same shape eyes. Same _blood_. 

She leans against the staircase. 

They’re a family. A _real_ one. 

And she was only ever temporary. 

She quietly leaves the same way she came. 

Leaving behind the family she always wanted. 

* * *

  
She pretends it doesn’t hurt when Leia and Han don’t call and ask _where are you? Are you okay? Come back._

* * *

  
There are messages from Ben though. 

_Where did you go?_

_Are you alright?_

_Do you need me to come get you?_

_Rey, why aren’t you answering?_

She replies after a couple of hours with the semi truth: _not feeling well. Be with your family Ben._

* * *

Rey spends the night crying. 

Mourning the loss of the family she thought she finally found. 

* * *

  
_Be with me_ , she thinks desperately, _be with me_. 

She doesn’t quite know who she’s begging. She just wants someone to listen.

* * *

  
It’s an entire ordeal, trying to bring down _First Order Limited_. 

She’s not a lawyer, she’s a PA, so she doesn’t know what help she’ll be, but she’s there at every meeting anyways. She’s helping in the ways she can. 

She listens to Ben and Phasma and Hux as they put all of their evidence together and recount everything they’ve witnessed. She listens to Poe Dameron flirt his way into Finn’s heart and grate on Ben’s nerves. But Poe Dameron is a good lawyer. He’s sharp and he has connections that he’s willing to use. He becomes a staunch supporter of _Ben’s Redemption Arc_ , as he coins with his a wide grin, snapping his gum, and slowly, Ben’s dislike turns into actual like. 

Rose and her sister Paige work for Leia and Rey develops a kinship with the youngest Tico sister who can’t stop teasing Hux. Her older sister rolls her eyes. 

Kaydel Ko Connix works for Poe and she drags her fiancé, Snap, to all the meetings to.

Rey likes Snap. He’s funny and humble and he stares at Kaydel like she holds the sun and moon. 

He’s also in Public Relations and if Rey thought Poe and Leia had connections, Snap knows people all over the country. He’s working social media and advertisements, he’s getting interviews set up and articles written. 

It’s over Rey’s head. 

But then she turns her head and sees Ben animatedly talking to Phasma and Hux, or his Dad, and there is a fire in his eyes, like he’s come alive again after being dead for so long, so she listens and makes herself understand what’s being said.

She think she owes him this much at least.

* * *

  
She doesn’t mean to have sex with him. 

Really, she _doesn’t_. 

It’s after they’ve brought the charges to _First Order Limited._

She’s in his apartment and they’re celebrating with wine when she says _fuck it_ and leans over and kisses him. 

He kisses back and that, as they say, is that. 

* * *

  
She would be okay if it’s just sex. 

Really, she would. 

Except it’s not _just_ sex.

Because there are times when he holds her, times when he cooks her dinner, times when they’re both so exhausted that they’ll just order take out and watch Netflix. 

There are times when she’s confessed everything to him, telling him all of her dark secrets, telling him her life’s tragedy. 

There are times when he’s the one asking for absolution, telling her about Snoke and his family and how it’s still awkward but it’s getting better. 

There are times when they spend entire days together where they don’t have sex and instead, just enjoy each other’s company. 

There are times when he smiles so wide that his dimples show and it almost knocks her off her feet. 

There are times…times when she feels like she’s _loved_ by Ben Solo. 

And that’s probably what hurts the most.

* * *

  
They’re at a bar one night. It’s well past a year after they’ve brought charges to _First Order Limited_ and everyone is agitated. Everyone is on edge. 

It’s Rose’s idea to go to a bar. To let loose. To have fun. 

It doesn’t take long for everyone to agree. 

And so, they’re at the bar and Rey is trying. She really is but she can’t keep her eyes off of Ben. 

And it turns out, neither can half of the female and male population in the bar. 

“ _So_ ,” Kaydel starts, propping her chin in her hand, it’s just Kaydel, Rose and herself at the table. The others have dispersed to get drinks, dance or go to the bathroom. “Why _aren’t_ you and Ben a couple yet?”

“Oh my God.” Rose groans. “ _Thank you_. I’ve been _dying_ to ask.”

Rey burns bright red. “What? Where would you…why would you…I can’t even begin…how… _why_?”

Rose and Kaydel exchange a look and they peel into laughter. 

“Oh, you’ve got it _bad_.” Rose gasps, her face red from laughing. 

“So bad. We already know you’re fucking each other, we’re just wondering why you two haven’t made it official yet.”

This is news to Rey. Because as far as she knew, they were being careful at not letting anyone else know about their arrangement. “It’s just…it’s just sex. He’s been stressed and I just…” she trails off, unable to finish her sentence. 

Rose frowns, laughter wiped completely off her face. “Rey,” she says softly, reaching over to grab her hand. “You haven’t seen the way he looks at you. I don’t think it’s just sex.”

“Yeah.” Kaydel agrees, nudging her. “I’ve had _friends-with-benefits_ before and it’s nothing like it is with you guys. It’s like…it’s like you guys… _God_. I don’t even know, you guys just burn so bright when you’re together, you know?”

Rose nods. 

Before anything else can be said, the group comes back. There’s laughter, there’s drinks, there’s conversations and in between all of that, Ben is sitting next to her, arm dangling on the back of her chair, his body exuding warmth that she’s become familiar with. His leg is pressing against hers and Rey has to will herself to concentrate on what Finn and Poe are telling her. 

And then Phasma comes to the table, dragging a tall woman with long black hair and bright blue eyes along with her. “This is Bazine.” She says over the din of the bar. “She’s a _doctor_ at Memorial Hospital.” She says it with a proud grin. 

They all greet her and she takes a seat across from Rey and Ben. 

Rey doesn’t notice anything different until almost an hour in when Ben hasn’t interrupted her conversation and hasn’t dragged her into one of his. 

She looks over and notices Ben is leaning across the table, eyes riveted on Bazine as she talks. He’s leaning over the table, conversing with her like they’ve known each other for years, Phasma Is on the other side of the newcomer, rolling her eyes playfully.

_It’s nothing_ , she tells herself. _It’s nothing._

Until Bazine leaves to get another drink and Ben follows her. 

Rey’s eyes trail after them. They look good together, she thinks, as they stand side by side at the bar. Both are tall, both are gorgeous, both are obviously smart. 

There is a ball in the back of her throat, one that threatens to choke her. 

Rose and Kaydel are staring at her with confusion in their eyes and something close to pity. “It will never be more than just sex,” Rey tells them as she gets up and grabs her jacket and purse, “because I’m just me. Just _Orphan Rey_ , who was stupid to think she found a family. I’m no one, _nobody_ in the grand scheme of things and Ben Solo deserves someone who is as smart and brave and strong as he is and I don’t…I couldn’t take it…if we started something and he woke up one day and decided I wasn’t good enough. Because that’s what happens. My parents did it to me. My foster parents did it to me. My ex-boyfriends did it to me. I’m not…I’m not _enough_. I never will be. That’s why it will only be just sex.” 

She gives them a tight smile and looks over at the bar where Ben and Bazine are making their way back, still talking, except now, he’s gesticulating with his hands, which Rey knows he only does when he has a point to prove and the evidence to back it up. 

He looks up and gives her a smile, the one that shows his dimples, the one that practically sends her to her knees. His smile fades when he sees that she’s ready to leave. 

She doesn’t give him a chance to say anything, instead, she turns on her heels and walks away. 

She ignores the burning in her eyes and the constant buzzing her phone makes until she’s back in her apartment. 

* * *

  
She cries bitter tears of resentment and disappointment and self-loathing until she makes herself sick. 

She doesn’t check her phone until the morning. 

And even then, she doesn’t reply. 

* * *

  
He comes to her apartment around noon the next day. 

“Why did you leave? And why didn’t you answer your phone or messages? I was fucking _worried_ , Rey.”

She blinks up at him and then sighs when he makes his way into her apartment. She closes the door behind her, taking deep breath after deep breath, trying to muster the courage to do what she knows she has to do. 

_It’s for the best,_ she thinks, that way there will be no expectations. There will be no heartbreak. They’ll just be friends. 

He’s still talking, running his hands through his hair, hands gesticulating with every word. Like he has a point to prove and the evidence to support it. 

“I can’t do this anymore.” She blurts out. At his pause and confused look, Rey expands. “This. _Us_. Sex. I can’t…we can’t do it anymore.”

There is a pause. A lapse of silence. He closes his eyes. “Is there someone else?”

She lets out a laugh and it’s bitter and empty. “What? _No_. I don’t have time for anyone else.”

_Just you. Always you._

“Then why? Is it…is it me? Am I not enough?”

_Oh God._ In what parallel universe has she entered where _Ben Solo_ thinks _he’s_ not good enough for _her_? She wants to cry. She wants to wail. She wants him to open his eyes. 

Because he’s Ben Solo and she’s Rey Johnson (and barely a Johnson, she doesn’t even know if that’s her real last name, just the name the State gave her when she was left as a child.)

His parents are Leia Organa and Han Solo. His grandparents on both sides were well-known. He has a legacy. He has a future. 

Rey barely has a past and is muddling through her present. 

“That’s not…you’re enough…just…just…not for me.”

He reels back as if he’s been slapped. “Not for you.” He repeats blandly. 

And oh God. This is all going so horribly _wrong_. 

“You’re my best friend, Ben.” Rey tells him truthfully. “And the trial has everyone stressed and work has me stressed and I think…I mean I don’t…I don’t want to lose you. These things…they always end up bad when the people involved aren’t really in love and I just…I don’t want to lose you. That’s all. I think…it’s for the best. Really.”

When she finishes talking, she chances a look a him and she almost wants to start crying all over again. 

Because he looks so heartbroken. His face is twisted in some sort of grief and it’s an expression that she’s never seen on him before but she knows instantly that he looks how she feels. 

“You don’t love me?” He asks her, his voice soft, so soft, as if he’s afraid to even speak. 

_Yes, I do love you_. She wants to tell him. _I love you so much it hurts. I love you so much but I don’t want you to be with me if it’s only because you think I helped save you_. But she doesn’t tell him any of that. Instead, she lies. “I love you but I don’t love you like that.” There is a pause. “Please.” She says. “I don’t want to lose you as my friend, Ben. _Please_.”

He closes his eyes and he wipes at his eyes, destroying any evidence of tears before she can see it. “Okay.” He croaks. “Okay.”

* * *

  
_It’s better this way_ , she thinks. 

It is.

* * *

  
It isn’t.

* * *

  
After their conversation, things go back to how they used to be. Prior to the sex. 

Rey is thankful. 

But heartbroken. 

And this time, it’s all her fault. 

* * *

  
Rey’s workload picks up. 

The trial picks back up.

And suddenly, they’re in court. 

And suddenly, they’re in the news. 

And suddenly, everything is changing. 

And suddenly, everything feels like it’s stayed the same. 

* * *

  
And then there is the _Guilty_ charge. 

Rey watches as Snoke and Palpatine and everyone else involved with making Ben’s life miserable, everyone involved in making so many lives miserable, are being carted away. 

“You’ll regret this, Solo.” Snoke hisses, turning around to face them before he’s being taken away. “You think you’ll be something without me? I _made_ you and just like that, I’ll _destroy_ you. You’ll pay for being a traitor. You’ll _pay_.”

No one pays attention. They brush it off as the ravings of a deranged old man who’s lost everything. 

But Rey looks back and sees the look in his eyes. She sees the way he glances down to Ben’s hand where it’s located on the small of her back and then he gives her a grin that’s all teeth and no sincerity. 

“Are you worried?” Rey asks Ben quietly, as they make their way through the courthouse. “About what Snoke said? I mean, God, Ben. He _threatened_ you.”

Ben shakes his head. “He lost everything. He has no contacts. It’s just…he’s a raving mad man. He always has been. He doesn’t rule my life anymore. He’s dead to me.”

And so, no one, not even Rey, presses the topic further. 

Instead, they leave the courthouse, high off their win and plans for the future. 

Rey trails behind them and the stands off to the side as Snap, Ben, Phasma and Hux answer questions from the media. 

She stands off to the side as Poe, Rose, Paige and Kaydel handle their own questions. 

She stands off to the side as Leia swears up and down about new legislation. 

She stands off to the side and watches everyone’s futures come alive, but hers. 

* * *

  
She turns around and walks away. 

This time, she keeps her phone close to her. 

It doesn’t ring. It doesn’t buzz. 

Not until later, when Rose messages and tells her that everyone is going to the pub to celebrate and that she has to come. 

Rey goes, because she has nothing else to do. 

* * *

  
Rey goes and suddenly, everything changes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe and know that I love you all very very very much.


	3. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this is late in coming. It’s been done for a while but...updating felt hard. It felt hollow but I didn’t want to leave you guys hanging and I think I needed a little bit of a break from real life. The world is still crazy and it still makes me cry every single time I watch the news and try to educate myself on issues that are so so incredibly important and so heartbreaking. I think juggling trying to be an activist and finding out what it means to be one to me, along with work and the stress of starting a new job, educating myself and making time for family, as safely as I can is hard and it’s getting to me but every time I think it’s hard for me, I feel guilty because it’s hard for everyone. 
> 
> It’s a juggling act but I’m trying. I’m bound to make mistakes along the way but I’m determined to learn from them. 
> 
> Viictoriasong - as always, you are a light in my soul. Thank you for everything. Your messages and conversations make me so very happy. This one is for you. I love you so very much. 
> 
> Thank you all so very very much. You have no idea what your support and your love and your comments and kudos means to me. I just wanted to give back to the fandom that has given so much to me. You are all so amazing and I love interacting with you. And I think a huge message of this story is to remember that you. Are. Enough. I don’t think we realize that as often as we should. I love you.

Rey opens her eyes to blinding bright lights. 

She closes them again. 

* * *

  
Everything is hazy. 

There is beeping. 

There are words that she’s only ever dreamed of hearing and she thinks that if she could, she would cry. 

And then there is darkness again.

* * *

  
She dreams. 

She’s on the cliff, at the highest point outside of the city, where the earth meets the sky and the oblivion is filled with bright, twinkling stars. 

She’s on her back, staring at the night sky, dreaming of galaxies she created in her loneliest moments.

She thinks she could stay here forever. 

In a Neverland of her own making, of her own imagination, where everything is as it should be. 

She thinks she could be happy here. 

* * *

  
There is a noise as she continues to stare at the night sky. There is a noise as she names the stars. 

She looks left and right and finds nothing. 

But it gets louder and louder. 

The steady beeping noise that calls to her. 

Letters form words that string along into sentences that mean something. That tug at her heart. 

_Come back. Rey. Come back. Please. Don’t leave me. I love you, Rey. I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

* * *

  
Rey thinks she could have built a home on top of that cliff, where the earth meets the sky and the stars twinkle, welcoming her to the only safe place she thought she knew. 

But she doesn’t. 

Build a home there. 

* * *

  
The next time Rey wakes up, it’s to bright lights again. 

She winces at the fluorescent light and shifts, moving her body to a more comfortable position. 

In her shifting, she realizes that there’s a lump next to her. A head, attached to a large body, curled forward, laying a large hand next to hers, almost like he’s always been near, almost like he’s never left her alone. 

Rey recognizes him instantly and she feels her heart stutter. She can hear the heart monitor beep just a bit more erratic and the change in tempo must be what wakes him up. 

And she wonders, how long he has been at her side that he knows the tempo of her heart and knows when something isn’t right. 

He looks at the monitor and then his eyes drift down to hers. 

She gives him a smile that’s more a grimace because every part of her still hurts. 

She has a breathing tube down her throat, so she can’t say much. 

But she finds that she doesn’t have to. 

“ _Rey_.” He breathes. He catapults up and leans over her, eyes tracking her movement, his hands reach out, like he’s going to touch her, like he’s going to run them gently down her face, her sides, like he’s going to interlace his fingers with hers, like he’s…like he’s going to hold her and she doesn’t realize how much she wants that to be true, until he doesn’t do anything. Until he stands up, eyes boring into hers. “ _Rey_.” He breathes again, as if her name is the only explanation she needs. As if her name is the only thing he can say in this particular moment. He rises from his seat and crosses the room in three long strides. “I’m…I’m going to get a nurse.”

And then he leaves. Opening the door and entering the hallway.

She can hear him. His deep voice echoing off the walls.

* * *

  
Her name isn’t the only thing he can say. 

She knows this because he says so much to everyone else but her. 

* * *

  
A nurse comes in, a relieved smile on her face. And she’s flitting over her, taking out her breathing tube, comforting her when she gags on it. She checks her vitals and says that _everything looks good but we’ll just double check with the doctor._

The nurse looks at Rey with a smile. “You had us scared.” The nurse tells her, her voice kind. “You had your _fiancé_ ,” she throws Ben a look that Rey can’t understand but she thinks it might be something close to sympathy and admiration, “wouldn’t leave your side.”

Rey blinks. “He’s not my fiancé.” She mutters. She thinks the only reason she says this is because of the drugs and not because of the thought of it _not_ being true hurts her more than getting hit by a _car_. “He’s just a…friend. I don’t have anyone. I never did.” She gives the nurse a smile even though her eyes are watering and Ben stiffens from his spot by the wall, eyes drifting downwards. “He probably just didn’t want me to be alone.”

The nurse quiets and before she leaves, places a comforting hand on Rey’s shoulder. 

* * *

“You’re not alone.” Ben says through clenched teeth and clenched fists. 

“I can see that.” Rey replies, her eyes drifting towards the flowers and teddy bears and boxes of unopened chocolates. 

There is a pause. A lapse of silence. “ _No_.” He says, shaking his head. “You _don’t_.” He takes a deep breath and it’s shaky, hesitant even. “You’re not alone.”

Rey blinks. Once. Twice. Three times. She still doesn’t understand. 

Or maybe she does, she just doesn’t want to admit it. So instead, she says, “neither are you.”

* * *

  
She means it. When she tells him that he’s not alone. 

He’s never been alone. 

Not really. 

But she has.

And she doesn’t want him to ever feel that emptiness. 

So, she takes it from him. 

* * *

  
Her doctor, because the universe is clearly laughing at her, is Bazine Netal. 

Rey almost doesn’t place her for a few seconds. Until she sees the look she gives Ben as she tells him to _leave the room and get a_ _coffee_ when he hovers too closely over her shoulder and Rey’s heart rate spikes. 

Bazine probably thinks it’s because of her wounds and not her breaking heart. 

When he leaves, throwing a glance into the room before he disappears down the hallway, Bazine turns to face her. “Hi Rey.” Her voice is melodious. Her eyes blue and sharp, her cheekbones high. She’s beautiful in a way that Rey will never be and she feels so self-conscience in her hospital gown with her unwashed hair. “I’m Doctor Netal. How are you feeling?”

And the thing is, she genuinely wants to know. Her expression is compassionate, her eyes worried. And even though her heart is breaking, Rey feels at ease in her presence. 

Rey shifts and winces. She gives her a grimace. “You know,” she says, her voice raspy with disuse. “Like I got hit by a car.” She means it as a joke, a crude joke and a not well-timed joke, but something to alleviate the seriousness of what happened. “How bad is it?” Rey asks. She knows the superficial things. She can see that her leg is in a cast. She can see the wrap around her right wrist. She can feel the bandage on the back of her head. She can feel the stitches all over her body. 

Bazine gives her a gentle smile and goes through her list of injuries and what they mean for her. It’s not as extensive as Rey thought. She has a concussion. She has broken ribs. Some broken bones. A sprained wrist. Everything else she knew of. By the end of the discussion, Rey is exhausted and she can see Ben from outside the window of her room, pacing, waiting to be let back in. Bazine follows her eyesight and hides a smile behind a fake cough.

“You coded twice.” Bazine – Doctor Netal, she corrects herself – tells her quietly, seriously. “Once when the paramedics were taking care of you on the scene and once on the operating room table.” She nods her head in Ben’s direction. “He…Ben let his temper, his grief, his anger get the better of him. He destroyed a waiting room when he found out.” She gives a laugh that’s full of misplaced humour, as if she’s seen that side of him one too many times. “Needless to say, the Organa-Solo’s are going to be donating money to refurnish the waiting room.” She lays a hand on Rey’s shoulder, the same way the nurse did earlier. “He didn’t leave your side. Not once.” There is so much that Doctor Netal looks like she wants to say but doesn’t. 

Rey stares at the doctor who for all intents and purposes, to Rey, would be a perfect match for him and Rey bows her head. “He’s not my fiancé.” Rey feels compelled to say, trying to explain to her doctor that he probably just feels bad for her. That he didn’t want her to be alone. That she saved him so he’s just…he’s just…making sure that his saving grace stays alive. “You have to know that. He’s not…I’m not…and you’re…you and he should…”

Bazine’s eyes widen and then she lets out a startled laugh. “Rey.” She says gently, “ _Rey_ , did you think this whole time that Ben and I were together? No. _No_. Oh God. He’s not my type. I prefer my partners even taller and blonder and female.” She gives Rey a look that’s supposed to be humorous but then it morphs into startled understanding and then heart-wrenching sympathy. “You think you’re not enough for him.” It’s not a statement, Doctor Netal says it like it’s a matter of fact, like she’s reading Rey’s mind. She shakes her head. “ _Rey_ , whoever told you that you weren’t good enough for him? They’re _wrong_. You _are_ enough. Not just for Ben but for _everything_. You’re _enough_.” She gives her shoulder a soft squeeze. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery, but we’re going to be with you every step of the way, okay? But you need to remember this. _You. Are. Enough_. And you are so very strong.”

Rey nods, lips trembling and tears falling from her eyes. She catches them with the palm of her hand as Doctor Netal opens the doors and tells Ben he can come back in. 

He hurries in, a cup of coffee in his hand. 

“Hi.” Rey says, as he settles back in his seat. 

He gives her a grin, small, hesitant, but a grin nonetheless that shows his slightly crooked teeth and the beginnings of his dimples. “Hi.”

* * *

  
“Why did you do it?”

“Why did I do what?” She asks him, her voice raspy from disuse and silently crying, trying to hide her face and sniffles from Ben. 

He’s sitting on the side of her bed, in the chair that he’s claimed as his own. He’s silent before he takes a deep breath and exhales. “You told me before…before…” he chokes on his words, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, face turned away from her. But she can see it, how bloodshot they are and she wonders if she were to look in the mirror, if her eyes look the same. “You told me you lied when you said you didn’t love me. And that you do. Love me. So, why did you lie?”

Rey sucks in a shaky breath. “Ben…” she trails off, not knowing what to say. 

He shakes his head. “Rey.” He says, his voice almost pleading. “Why did you lie? Why did you…why did you jump in front of me? Why did you… _why_?”

She plays with the threads of her hospital blanket. “When I first saw you at First Order, you were so intimidating. You were so angry. You were…everyone didn’t like you. But one time, in the elevator, you just…you looked so _tired_. So _sad_ and all I wanted was to reach out to you and tell you that you weren’t alone.” She breathes in and then lets it out. “And then I saw the pictures in Han’s toolbox and suddenly, you weren’t just some lawyer with too much money, you were the son of the two people who I desperately wanted to be part of their family. But…I was just…I wasn’t…” she swallows, eyes still trained on the blankets. “I didn’t lie to you that day. In your office, I mean. I know Han and Leia love me but they I knew they were waiting for you and I thought…I thought if I brought you home, they would love me as much as I love them.”

She gives him a broken smile. “And then… _you_ happened. And it was _easy_ , you know? So scarily easy to fall in love with you. You’re so smart and you care so much even though you say you don’t. You check in with me. You listen to me. You make me laugh but more than that…you have the biggest heart and it was so easy for me to get sucked in and I took what you offered.”

She takes another deep breath. “The longer it went on, the more I thought I was just convenient to you. I convinced myself that I was just the stepping stone until you got your life back together and you met someone who deserved you. I was convinced you deserved better than me because I’m just…I’m just me. Rey. _Orphan Rey_ who tries so hard to find a family only to realize that no one wants me the way I want them. And I just…I wanted to spare myself the hurt of watching you walk away and I wanted you to go after someone like Doctor Netal who is beautiful and smart and fits into your world. I wanted you to have _everything_. I wanted you to have the opportunity to live the way you should have been able to live before Snoke sunk his claws into you.”

She doesn’t realize she’s crying until her voice gets caught in her throat and her tears sting the cuts on her face. “The second…I just…I remember you were hugging your parents and the three of you looked so happy, you looked like you were a family again and then I saw the car and I thought, _if anyone deserves to live, if anyone deserves to be loved, if anyone deserves to have a family, it’s Ben._ It’s just…you have a family who loves you, who would mourn you and I… _don’t_. So I thought it would be _okay_ , to die saving you because I love you and that’s what you do for the people you love. You die for them.”

He blinks at her and then there’s a pause. A lapse of silence. “You _live_ for them.” He says, his voice rough. He’s staring at her with wide and wild eyes. “Rey…yeah, sure, you would die for the people you love but you also live for them. _Because_ you love them.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Rey…do you have _any_ idea what it felt like to watch you get hit by that car? Do you have any idea what it felt like to hold you in my arms and how _broken_ you were? Do you have any idea what it was like to hear you tell me you _love_ me and then watch as you fucking _died_ and they had to resuscitate you in front of me? Do you have any idea how that felt?”

He cuts her off before she can say anything. “All I could think about was that you were _dying_ and it was _my_ fucking fault. All I could think about is how I wasn’t able to say _I love you_ back.” He shuffles closer to her, sitting on the edge of her hospital bed, hand clasped in hers, interlacing their fingers. “I love you.” He says quietly. “And you _are_ what I deserve. You’re _everything_. You saw me when no one else did.” He gives her a watery smile. “I don’t…I don’t want to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it. I don’t think I could survive.”

Rey lets out a broken sob, a keening sound that feels like it’s been wrenched from the depths of her soul and she leans forward, her head on his shoulder. 

He’s careful with her, holding her gently, rocking her softly as she sobs and he whispers the words over and over and over again. 

_I love you, Rey._

_I love you._

_I love you._

* * *

  
“I love you too.” She tells him after she’s finished crying and her voice is hoarse and her cheeks are as swollen as her eyes. “I’ve always loved you.”

* * *

“It’s you.” He says, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly when she’s discharged and he’s taking her home. “My parents, my family, that was a choice I never had. They were always there, even when I wasn’t, they were. But you…” he trails off, sucking in a deep breath. He stares out the windshield, unable to look her in the eyes. “You were my choice. You were always my choice. You will _always_ be my choice.” When they come to a red light, the car jerks to a stop. He chances a sideways glance at her. “You’re my family, Rey.” He gives her a small smile, filled with fear, hope, love. “You’re the only family I ever really wanted.”

* * *

  
For so long, she thought she would be left behind, forgotten.

For so long, she concentrated on what she _could_ have had rather than concentrating on what she _did_ have without even knowing it. 

A family.

A home. 

Love.

* * *

  
That night, she’s laying in bed with Ben. “Do me a favour?” He asks. “Don’t jump in front of anymore cars. Please. I don’t…I can’t…” he trails off, his voice warring with emotions. “I love you.”

She nods, throat tight.

* * *

  
She takes him to the highest point of the cliff outside city limits a few weeks later. 

Where the earth meets the sky and the stars shine so brightly. 

He looks in awe here, standing underneath the stars, illuminated in their light. 

And she thinks her heart could explode as she watches him, head tilted upwards, eyes closed. 

He outstretches his arm to her, holding out his hand without even looking at her. 

She grabs it and lets herself be pulled into his tight embrace. 

And she sees it, the sky, the stars, the galaxies and worlds that she’s created, reflected in his eyes when he opens them. Reflected in his moles and beauty marks. Reflected in his muscles that flex underneath the palm of her hands, in his fingers that hold her steady, in his smile showcasing his slightly crooked teeth and smile. 

She sees everything in him and she thinks, _I could build a home with you._

* * *

  
And so, she did.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me on this. I hope you all enjoyed. Mad love and respect to all of you. 
> 
> Stay safe. Stay healthy. 
> 
> I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed! Stay safe. Stay healthy and be careful out there! 
> 
> Mad love and respect to you all!


End file.
